I don’t think anyone reading this blog is surprised when I say I have a low self-esteem. I try to be open about this so that people at least know why I sometimes have a hard time with seemingly simple things. It’s also because, at one point in life, I got tired of pretending I didn’t have a low-self esteem.
The problem now still is, how to get rid of it? This self-esteem issue, combined with a looming case of anxiety (hello, I’m 29 and I hate driving a car because it still scares the shit out of me) do sometimes stop me from Doing Things. I miss the days when I was more devil-may-care. I also feel like because I acknowledge my self-esteem issues I also keep them alive. I’ve defined myself as someone with this problem, thus I have it.
If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences.
The question is, how do I go from here? To be honest, I have no idea. I’ve already talked about doing Radical Self Love, but I never really started on it. And then, I got a pair of shoes in the mail. I spend ages shifting through the pages of the Sasha site, wondering whether I should get more feminine Chelsea boots (and jump the fashion train) or get the semi-combat boots which reminded me of my punk/goth period in high school.
Maybe it’s a bit embarrassing to say, but I absolutely love these shoes. They’re not that pretty to look at, but they feel 100% completely me. They even make me feel more me. And thus, a seemingly insignificant choice on a shoe-store website, made me feel a bit different.
And maybe it’s the shoes or just realising that picking out things that feel more me actually make me feel happier. Since then I started wearing more clothes in ways that feel more me and done a couple of things that are definitely not what my angsty low-self esteem me would do in a jiffy (cutting my hair short, signing up for events, reaching out to people). And I think I still have more up my sleeve.
So here’s to picking me. Cheers. 🙂
Big thanks to Sasha Shoes for the awesome pair of boots they send me and for their endless patience in waiting for me to write this post.